Apologies to all you clients waiting for Fatt Lipp to meet your deadline. I recently made the switch from Android to iPhone, and I’ve been wasting a lot of time checking out new apps, customizing yet another lockscreen wallpaper, or engaging in some other pointless solitary activity. In other words— appsturbating.

How did it come to this? A little background: In the days before Verizon and Apple made nice-nice, I bought a perfectly serviceable Android phone, an HTC Incredible. By the time Verizon got iPhone, I had no logical reason to switch. Android really is a nice platform, in some ways superior to iPhone (sssshhh). And yet…

And yet…

And yet, the iPhone is not about logic. It’s about emotion. And I couldn’t help feeling, all that time, that I was cheating. I’ve been an Apple guy for years and years. (The Fatt Lipp household’s current tech inventory: 1 Mac Powerbook, 2 Macbooks, 1 iPhone, 2 iPads and 2 iTouches, as well as numerous iPod iterations littering the junk drawer.) Sure, my Android was, if not Incredible, just fine. But I was always looking across the bay at that green light.

Finally, when upgrade time came, I opted to go iPhone. And immediately, it renewed my appreciation for the utterly inexplicable emotional connection that Apple so exquisitely elicits in its products.

To the best of my knowledge, only with iPhone can such a level of self-satisfaction be achieved. Android owners don’t diddle with their devices. They don’t pull it out of their pants during downtime just to play with it. Nope. I never did that with my Incredible. Appsturbation, it seems, is the sole domain of iPhone masters. Of which I count myself as one, finally.

Am I wrong here? Do, say, Galaxy 4 owners appsturbate as well? I’d like to hear your opinion, iPhone and Android owners alike. (Just, uh, give me a few minutes first, okay?)